Mr. Fear

So, I’ve been staring at this poem for weeks wondering what to write about it. I think I may finally know. I’ve never thought of fear as a being before, but it kind of makes sense. Though I think sometimes ideas are more frightening than people. Still, fear as a being makes the concept more realistic. Maybe it’s easier if I copy the poem here and comment stanza by stanza…. because I like it just that much.

My Fear

He follows us, he keeps track.
Each day his lists are longer.
Here, death, and here,
something like it.

Interesting. Now that I think of it, fear does follow us. It’s a lurking feeling that never really leaves us alone. We have to consciously push it out of our minds, and even then, we’re mostly not successful. Personally, I worry all the time about one thing or another. Most of the time it doesn’t turn into active fear, but the potential is always there.

Mr. Fear, we say in our dreams,
what do you have for me tonight?
And he looks through his sack,
his black sack of troubles.

Maybe he smiles when he finds
the right one. Maybe he’s sorry.
Tell me, Mr. Fear,
what must I carry

away from your dream.
Make it small, please.
Let it fit in my pocket,
let it fall through

the hole in my pocket.
Fear, let me have
a small brown bat
and a purse of crickets

like the ones I heard
singing last night
out there in the stubbly field
before I slept, and met you.

It would be nice to know what’s coming. If only we could ask Fear what he is going to give us, maybe we would be more prepared. But maybe that’s the point, that we’re never prepared. Part of living is figuring it out. I don’t know if anyone can say they have lived until they overcome some great obstacle, whatever it may be.

The First of Many Blogs

Bird imagery.. well let's see. The novel starts out with it! This particular bird seems to be a little misunderstood. Chopin's style is interesting... she writes with much description in some places and hardly any at all in others. These first four chapters are spend largely on introducing the characters. We are first introduced to Edna, the main character. She stands apart from the others in the fact that she is an American and not a Creole. In this way the reader is provided with a both her American view and a view of the Creole society. Edna is not a typical woman of her time in the fact that she is not a "mother woman." She does not see the need to make her children the focal point of her life. While Mr. Pontellier is "the best husband she could have" she isn't very happy. Maybe she doesn't want to be married at all.

Little Apocalypse

I enjoy this poem because Wright addresses the highly debated topic of the apocalypse. I find it fascinating, but frightening, especially as accounted in the book of Revelation in the Bible. No one really knows how to handle it or what to think on the matter, so it’s always interesting to read various opinions. I like how the poem builds as it goes on. The first stanza portrays nothing out of the ordinary and ends with the words “sedate, avaricious life” leading us to further believe that conclusion.
In the second stanza things start to heat up, but it doesn’t lead you to expect anything just yet. That’s the point though-because the apocalypse is supposed to happen when we least expect it. Obviously Wright is well informed on this topic. The last stanza is my favorite because the peril is becoming visible…

Inside the basements of the world,
the clear-out’s begun,
Lightning around the thunder-throat of the underearth,
A drop of fire and a drop of fire,
Bright bandages of fog
starting to comfort the aftermath.
Then, from the black horizon, four horses heave up, flash on their faces.

Preparations for the coming storm are being made. This is pretty epic… for lack of a better term. It is left to one’s imagination what will happen after the horses “heave up”, but that is the neat thing. The author permits his audience to think whatever they wish on the topic. It would be a little presumptuous of him to provide any conclusion, though.

I Always Forget to Blog...

For some reason blogging always evades my memory, and it's rather unfortunate. BUT on to the point. A second blog on Part II. It keeps getting crazier! We are introduced to the Russian who cares for Kurtz twice when he falls ill. In earlier parts of the book, Kurtz is portrayed as a hero and a remarkable man, but here we begin to see another side of him. Marlow explains:

"Everything belonged to him- but that was a trifle. The thing was to know what he belongd to, how many powers of darkness claimed him for their own. That was the reflection that made you creepy all over. It was impossible-it was not good for one either-trying to imagine. He had taken a high seat amongst the devils of the land-I mean literally."

Originally this part could have been a little bit confusing, because Marlow jumps forward in time and explains what he gathered about Kurtz after meeting him. This passage is of great significance because it shows, again, how the darkness can take even those who appear strong and draw them in. Kurtz was a great, powerful figure, and in the end he abused this power because of his lust for ivory. He has been completely consumed by the darkness and there is no way to get back out, even if he wanted to.

Into the Heart of Darkness

This book is incredible. I do not find it particularly difficult to understand, which I'm very grateful for. Marlow's memories are compelling and terrifically descriptive. They are now entering the "heart" of the darkness and even Marlow is feeling the effects of it. My favorite passage from this part of the text begins on page 35...

"We were cut off from the comprehension of our surroundings; we glided past like phantoms, wondering and secretly appalled, as sane men would be before an enthusiastic outbreak in a madhouse. We could not understand because we were too far and could not remember because we were travelling in the night of first ages, of those ages that are gone, leaving hardly a sign-and no memories."

This illustrates how intense the darkness is becoming. The crew can no longer associate with reality because they are too far removed from it. They are going back in time, to a place that no one else remembers because it leaves no survivors. The danger is building now, in an exponential fashion. They are afraid-but not afraid-because to an extent their ability to feel emotion has been stripped away. No one knows how to handle the darkness, and so they steam ahead on their journey, unable to fathom what will come up next.

Lilacs in September

The title of this poem is misleading. At first glance, we are made to think it will be about a purple flower in the month of September, but it is something else altogether. The author uses the image of the damaged flower to illustrate a fight for survival. Disaster can attempt to destroy us…
Shocked to the root
like the lilac bush
in the vacant lot
by the hurricane—

whose black branch split
by wind or rain
as the hurricane attempted to destroy the flowers- but there will always be something worth fighting for…
has broken out unseasonably

into these scant ash-
colored blossoms
lifted high as if to say

to passersby
What will unleash
itself in you
when your storm comes?
Reading this poem made me want to answer the question it poses at the end. What will unleash itself in me when my storm comes? I have been through a few rainy days and have always walked through them- without raincoat or umbrella. But the storm has not found me until now. Everything I write about seems to reflect on my life with horses, and it gets to be a bit repetitive. There is justification to be found, however. When one invests such emotion in a part of their life, there are bound to be countless experiences and moments to share. So, another part of a horse story… but I am afraid this is one of the last.

This storm is a storm of proportions unknown to me at the current time. All I know and all I have ever known is shifting, changing, and in some ways, erasing itself. Here is the storm: I am no longer riding. I am selling the horse that I love with all of my heart and how long it will take to sit on another I do not know. I cannot possibly convey the magnitude of this in any words I have right now. And this is only the beginning. To continue, I have to look at Matthew 16:24-27. It reads:
“Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his live will lose, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?”
This is where I find my inspiration. I know that right now I am losing something great, but there is something far greater in return. A strength I never knew I had is unleashing itself within me, and only because the storm finally came.

Confusing much?

“Eveline” is a story about a girl who decides to marry a man named Frank and move away from her Irish home. Something happens to her, but I’m not sure what.

Level One: Where is the priest according to Eveline’s father?
Level Two: Why would Eveline want to move away from the Stores?
Level Three: Would you want to leave? Why?

This story was again, puzzling. But I liked it better than the first story. Eveline is a very intriguing character because of the way Joyce tells her story. We learn everything we could ever want to know about her in a very short amount of space.
This story doesn’t drip with overwhelming anti-Catholic Church sentiment like the previous story did. The one reference that stood out to me was the beginning one about the priest. His photograph is “yellowing” and is placed beside “promises made to Blessed Maragret Mary Alacoque.” I am assuming these promises were never fulfilled.
Eveline is going to marry Frank but I can’t tell if she is excited about it or not. She seems to like him but their relationship appears to be a little random.
The latter half of the story was the really confusing part for me. Something happens with the Italian army… I think. I can’t really tell what’s going on but somehow she loses Frank. Actually, he might lose her. Is he being taken away to go to war?